merry and bright

Forgive me if you've heard this before but I think of this every year so the longer you are a reader of mine, the more times you will have to hear this story.

My paternal grandparents loved Christmas. When I was very young, it was a big event at their house and always a lot of fun. My grandfather, dressed as Santa, would sneak in (through the front door) and put presents under the tree.

My grandfather died about 10 years ago.His funeral was in July in the California desert. The funeral home went silent as Bing Crosby's voice filled the echoing hall. My grandfather's friends and customers sat there in summer funeral attire while Bing wished us all a White Christmas.

Already a holiday orphan because of my parent's divorce, the holidays have since  seemed even far more sad. Never having any where to be on Christmas, no one awaiting my arrival, no tree to sit under in my pajamas to open presents under, I watched Christmas movies. Alone.  Alone on Christmas for nearly an entire decade. Even though I have a home and family of my own, I still spend a day watching Christmas movies alone. This Saturday looks to be that day.